Understanding people
People not only come in all shapes and sizes, but they come with different personality types as well. You may want to brush up on how to communicate with the four main personality types by reading this article. Indeed, dedicated students of communication could do little better than purchase Bem Allen's excellent introduction to personality types, 'Personality Theories'.
People are individuals, with as many similarities from one person to the next as differences. To communicate most effectively, each will require you to communicate with them in their own individual preference style, using their language, their body gestures, and their pace and intonation.
So how do you find out how best to communicate with someone? Spend time with them! Don't expect to meet someone off the street and talk intimately with them within a minute. Understanding a subject takes time -- whether that subject is an academic one or another human being.
Expressing your thoughts and feelings clearly
Our brains can only take so much information in at any one time. We are bombarded with messages every second of the day, so to compete with the barrage of 'noise' a person faces, your message needs to be clear, succinct and to the point.
It is very worthwhile taking time to plan your communication -- no matter by what method it is delivered -- to ensure that you are taking the least amount of time to express the right level of thought in the most receptively simple manner.
Speaking up when your needs are not being met
Just as important in business relationships as in domestic ones, speaking up to ensure that your needs are met is a fundamental part of any relationship.
You may wish to read this article on assertive, not aggressive, communication, but in a nutshell there are six different ways you can be assertive and not aggressive in your communication: by rehearsing your behaviour prior to the communication; by repeating your communication (the 'broken record' technique); fogging; asking for negative feedback; tentative agreement with negative feedback; and creating a workable compromise.
Assertiveness is a useful communication tool. It's application is contextual and it's not appropriate to be assertive in all situations. Remember, your sudden use of assertiveness may be perceived as an act of aggression by others.
Asking for feedback from others and giving quality feedback in return
Alongside assertiveness techniques, the giving and receiving of feedback is a key communication skill that must be learnt if you want to have any hope of developing long-term business relationships..
Toastmasters International teach a useful feedback and critical review technique -- first give a sincere compliment, follow this with any practical suggestions for improvement, then wrap up with further sincere praise. It is known as 'CRC', or 'Commend, Recommend, Commend', a three-step model for excellence in giving quality feedback.
Remember, too, that truthfulness is a subjective view. What you may find distasteful in someone may be equally desirable from another's point of view. As I learnt, by living through a series of IRA attrocities in England and watching the US political and media reactions, one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter.
Influencing how others think and act
We all have the opportunity to influence how others think and act. All the way from Cialdini's Persuasion principles down to simple violence (of a verbal or physical nature), we are daily able to shape the thoughts and actions of those around us.
From something as simple as smiling and saying, "Hello!" as a way of influencing someone's mood, to leading by example during an intense period of change, there are many ways of either leading to or drawing out of others required behaviours and attitudes.
Remember that an attitude leads to an emotion, which in turn leads to an action. Shape the attitudes and you have a more reliable way of predicting actions.
Shifting gears when relationships are unproductive
Sometimes you need to walk away. Sometimes you need to jettison unhealthy cargo. And sometimes you need to take drastic steps to regain balance and momentum.
'Shfting gears' can be as simple as changing the venue of your supervision meeting from a dark office to a nearby cafe. Sometimes it can be moving the meeting from straight after lunch to first thing next morning, when clearer heads might prevail.
Sometimes it can mean increasing the level of assertiveness in order to ensure the point you are making is being received. Sometimes it might mean bringing others into the meeting so that the other person understands the implications of their attitudes or actions.
Conclusion
The whole idea of being people skilled is knowing or finding how to bring out the best in others in any situation, rather than their worst. By mastering these eight essential people skills you dramatically increase your chances of achieving the best outcomes out of your interactions and business challenges.
